


Never been so defenceless

by Alenacantfly



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel Loves Humanity (Supernatural), Castiel and Dean Winchester Get Married, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dean Winchester Deserves Nice Things, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Domestic Dean Winchester, Everyone Is Alive, Fix-It, Found Family, Fuck the CW, Human Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Marriage Proposal, Post-Canon Fix-It, Quote: Y yo a ti Cas | Me too (Supernatural), dean finally finds some peace, dean retires, i cannot belive that is a tag, ignoring 15x20 because I can
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:14:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27717329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alenacantfly/pseuds/Alenacantfly
Summary: He looks at Jack with wide eyes and Jack just smiles at him. "This place is still warded against angels. I offered to let him in, but-" Dean doesn't listen to the rest of Jack's words, he is already out of his seat and sprinting towards the stairs and the door.His heart is pounding painfully and he is breathing too hard when he finally reaches it and janks the door open.Castiel looks beautiful. Dean would be embarrassed by his thoughts, but there is really no other way to describe him. Dean can feel the angelic power radiating from him and his knees go a little weak. This really is Cas, healthy and whole and powerful again."Hello Dean."
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 30
Kudos: 566





	1. Chapter 1

After it is all over and Jack has become God, Dean keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it doesn't. True to his word Jack is very hands-off. Well, after he has restored everyone and everything, including Eileen to Sam's relief and joy, and Dean's dog. And then he left, leaving Sam and Dean to figure out what to do with their own freedom now.

Sam wants to keep hunting, Dean knows this. They haven't talked about it yet, but they don't have to. Sam has always been the hunter of the family. He has a restless energy about him, had it even back at Stanford. Being with Eileen has been good for him, but it hasn't calmed down his instincts and they will be hitting the road together soon, Dean can feel it. But Dean is tired. There are papers on his desk, an application form for a local car repair. Sam and Eileen will leave soon, but Dean is going to stay. He has a dog to take care of after all.

.

The goodbye is strangely calm, probably the calmest they have ever had. There is no anger or fear, only the promise to keep in touch and to see each other soon. Dean offered Sam his baby, but Sam refused to take the Impala. They are taking Eileen's car instead. Dean isn't worried, he knows the two of them will be able to manage just fine without him. He can see the way they look at each other and he knows his brother will be safe. 

Dean is staying at the bunker, the only home he has ever really known, too young to really remember their house in Kansas. Miracle loves the bunker and the wide-open fields surrounding it and settles in perfectly. Dean however doesn't settle. Not really. He hasn't told Sam the truth about what really happened with him and Cas, not the whole truth anyway. Not yet. It's not that he thinks Sam would react badly, hell, Sam probably knew all along. He just cannot bring himself to talk about it, to even think about it. Cas's voice still echoes in his ears when it is too quiet.

"I love you." 

He cannot sleep at night, so he drinks. He cries. And he prays. 

"Cas, please, if you are out there, if you can hear me-" He chokes back tears, and Miracle whines and crowds closer into his arms. "I need you." He buries his face in soft fur and cries until his throat feels raw.

The empty had only taken Cas after he had confessed. His "Me too, Cas" had summoned it. After the last time Cas had died, Dean had vowed to himself to not have any regrets when it came to him and Cas, had promised himself he would confess the next time. Who could have known that he would end up regretting confessing his love? He didn't know what would have been worse; the empty taking Cas and Cas believing Dean didn't love him back or Dean's love confession summoning the empty? But perhaps selfishly he wished he hadn't confessed. Maybe Cas would still be here. 

He would do anything for Cas to still be here, but the angel had gone to the one place he wouldn't be able to follow.

"The very touch of you corrupts!" 

Dean tightens his arms around Miracle. "I'm sorry, Cas. I am so sorry."

.

In his weaker moments Dean considers asking Jack. After all, he is God now. He should be able to pull Cas out of the empty. But he never does. Jack deserves his freedom, he earned it just like the rest of them. Still, he wishes. And he waits.

.

Dean settles into a routine. He starts working at the local car repair. Sam and Eileen come home for a bit and the bunker feels a little bit warmer for a while. 

He wishes he had something of Cas to hold onto, but there is no trenchcoat to hold, no grave to visit. He found the mixtape in Cas' room. It's on his nightstand now, but he cannot bring himself to play it. He hasn't listened to Led Zeppelin in weeks. 

.

Jack visits one night. Sam and Eileen and Dean are sitting in the kitchen, drinking beer. Sam has just finished telling Dean about their last hunt. His arm is settled around Eileen's shoulders and he looks happy, relaxed. Dean envies them although he tries not to. They both deserve their happiness. 

Jack pops into the room without warning and Dean doesn't even flinch. It's a testament to how safe he feels in the bunker, how at home. 

Sam is the first one to jump up and hug Jack. It should be weird to hug God, but as Dean hugs his son -and Jack is his in everything but blood, fuck what anyone else says- it just feels right. "Missed you, kid", he mumbles as he lets go.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I had to rebuild heaven and fix everything."

Dean shakes his head and sits back down. "It's okay, Jack. We figured you'd be busy", Sam reassures him and Dean just grunts in agreement, his mind stuck on Jack's words: "Fix everything." Everything? Surely he couldn't mean-

There is a knocking on the front door and Dean's heart starts hammering in his chest. Lucifer is dead. Does this mean-

No, it can't be, can it?

He looks at Jack with wide eyes and Jack just smiles at him. "This place is still warded against angels. I offered to let him in, but-" Dean doesn't listen to the rest of Jack's words, he is already out of his seat and sprinting towards the stairs and the door. 

His heart is pounding painfully and he is breathing too hard when he finally reaches it and janks the door open.

Castiel looks beautiful. Dean would be embarrassed by his thoughts, but there is really no other way to describe him. Dean can feel the angelic power radiating from him and his knees go a little weak. This really is Cas, healthy and whole and powerful again.

"Hello Dean." Cas hesitates and Dean can't really blame him, he's just been staring at the guy. 

"Cas", he chokes out and steps forward, into his personal space, unsure what Cas wants. If he still wants him now that he has been restored to his former power. But there was no reason to worry, Cas flings himself forward -there's no other word for it- and Dean has his angel in his arms, clutching him tightly. 

"Dean!", Cas' voice breaks, and suddenly they are both crying and Dean is trying very hard not to think about what John would say about all of this as he borrows his head in the crook of Cas' neck and struggles to breathe. Cas smells like a cool summer night before a thunderstorm and Dean shivers and presses closer. 

"I'm so sorry, Cas."

Cas shushes him and his arms tighten almost painfully around Dean before he lets go and takes a step back. Dean cannot even look at him, too afraid of what he might find on his face.

"Dean." His name sounds like a prayer on Cas's lips and he squeezes his eyes shut. "Look at me." The angel cups his face and Dean is powerless to deny him anything. "What happened wasn't your fault. I made the deal, I knew the consequences. And I would do it all over again if I had to." The sound that comes out of Dean's mouth can only be subscribed as a whimper and he is suddenly very glad that Sam isn't here to witness this. "Your love doesn't corrupt, Dean. Your love saved me. You taught me how to love, how to care more and be more than I could have ever imagined. I love you."

Cas's words break Dean's heart all over again. "I love you too." 

Cas smiles at him, his blue eyes warmer than they've ever been. "I know."

Dean laughs wetly and steps back into Cas' space. He doesn't know what the protocol is here. He knows that Cas has kissed people before, has had sex before -he has to breathe through the jealousy that always flares up when he thinks of Meg and that goddamn reaper- but he doesn't want to overwhelm the angel. Cas's hand is still on his cheek and he is watching Dean with a small smile. "Cas, can I-?" He hesitates, but Cas only nods and pulls him in. The angel has always been braver than him anyway. 

Their first kiss is painfully gentle. Dean wants so much, but he also wants to do this right. They separate when they both start smiling too much to keep kissing. "Come on, Sam and Eileen will be thrilled to see you", Dean says after one last peck and together they enter the bunker and walk into the kitchen.

Dean knows it is very obvious that they have both been crying, but Sam doesn't even mention it. Instead, he pulls Cas close and Dean can see that his brother is losing his fight against his tears too. Dean introduces Cas to Miracle and it is love at first sight. Miracle jumps onto Cas's lap as soon as he sits down in the kitchen, despite being much too big, but Cas doesn't seem to mind. He winds an arm around the dog and smiles at Dean.

Jack stays and they catch each other up on everything. Sam and Eileen talk about their hunts with Sam occasionally translating and signing for Eileen. Jack and Cas talk about rebuilding heaven.

.

It's the first night Dean doesn't drink more than a few beers. Steady laughter rings through the bunker and Dean's heart has never felt so full. He breathes in deep and smiles. He is safe and he's home with his family. He takes Cas's hand on the table, in front of everyone and wills himself not to freak out. Nobody even bats an eyelash. He exhales slowly. He is safe. Cas squeezes his hand.

.

They are home.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack is the first one to leave, citing angel business, or well, god business, as his reason to leave. Dean waves his apology away when Jack says that he is sorry for having to leave and just gets up to hug his son. It’s the first time he lets go of Cas’s hand since taking it. 

“Drop by anytime”, he says as he pulls Jack in close. “And thank you”, he says a little quieter, squeezing him a little tighter. 

Jack is smiling as he lets go, looking like the kid he still is in so many ways. Dean’s heart aches in his chest.

.

Sam and Eileen say goodnight next. They are staying in the bunker overnight, but they plan on heading out early the next morning to back up Jodie on a hunt.

Dean wiggles his eyebrows at Sam as they both get up. Sam blushes, but Eileen just winks at Dean and Dean smiles. He knows that Eileen is the best thing that has happened to Sam in a while, hell, maybe even forever. He has been planning on giving Sam Mary’s old ring, but he hasn’t found a moment to bring it up yet. But he will. There is no doubt in his mind that Eileen will end up as part of their little family officially soon. She already is part of it in the ways that really count anyway.

.

Dean isn’t ready to let go of Cas’s hand yet, so he stays with Cas in the kitchen until he feels like falling asleep right then and there. He has tomorrow off so it’s not really a problem. He can sleep in. “Maybe it’s time to go to bed?”, Cas asks with an indulgent smile on his lips after Dean interrupts him with yet another yawn. 

Getting up from the kitchen table, Dean realizes that he isn’t ready to ever let Cas go again. But he doesn’t know how to tell Cas what he wants, how to tell the angel to stay. He awkwardly stands there, before he just holds out his hand for Cas to take. The angel takes it with a smile and together they make their way towards Dean’s bedroom, Miracle happily running ahead. 

Dean’s bedroom door is closed when they reach it. It feels significant somehow and Dean swallows nervously. He doesn’t want to push, doesn’t want to ask for too much, when Cas has already given him so much. Miracle whines and scratches at the door with a paw.

“Cas, would you-, I mean do you want to erm? Come inside? And just stay? With me I mean? Spend the night with me?”, Dean stutters his way through the question and feels silly for blushing, but Cas only keeps smiling at him. 

“Of course, Dean. I will not leave unless you ask me to”, he says in that painfully sincere way Cas has and Dean feels his heart clenching again. Maybe he really should eat more rabbit food.

Dean only shakes his head. “Never again, Cas. I want you to stay with me. As long as you want to.”

Cas’s smile gets even brighter and the angel leans in for a soft kiss. “Forever then.”

There are tears in his eyes and Dean can feel his own eyes burning. “Forever it is.”

The moment is cheesy, and he is painfully aware of how cheesy it is, but he cannot stop smiling. Dean is just so happy. He pushes his bedroom door open and Miracle immediately runs to the dog bed Dean bought a few days ago and flops down with a happy huff. 

“I know you don’t sleep, so you don’t have to stay here with me the entire night, I mean it must get really boring, but I would sleep better if you, you know-“ Dean feels like an awkward teenager as he tries to tell Cas to stay with him until he has fallen asleep. And it’s not helping that Cas is quietly laughing at him. 

“Dean Winchester, are you asking me to watch you sleep?”, the angel teases and closes the distance between them again and suddenly they are standing really close in the middle of Dean’s bedroom. Dean swallows, very aware of his bed being right there. His eyes flicker down to Cas’s lips, he cannot help it. 

“Don’t act like you haven’t been dying to watch me sleep.” He goes for cocky, but his voice comes out breathy and rough. Dean licks his lips and smirks as he hears Cas’s breath catch. “Cas”, he starts, but then hesitates. Cas’s hands have found their way to his hips, a reassuring and comforting weight and they are standing so close, Dean can almost taste him.

“What do you want, Dean?”, Cas asks gently, stroking his thumbs over his hip bones. 

“Everything”, Dean breathes and then flushes. “Whatever you are willing to give me.”

Cas’s smile turns a little sad at his words and for a moment Dean worries that he fucked this up already, that he ruined them before they have really begun, but then Cas speaks: “You selfless idiot.” He huffs a little laugh. “You have no idea how much I want you, do you? How long I’ve had to hold myself back from touching you?” Cas titles his head in that puppy way Dean still remembers fondly, his brow furrowing. “I want to give you everything.” 

Desire rushes white-hot through Dean. He feels like he’s been sucker-punched, but there is no lie in Cas’s eyes. Dean knew that the angel loved him, but to hear that he also wants him, has wanted him for so long- 

That is an entirely different feeling.

He reels Cas in and smashes their lips together, without any technique or finesse. He just knows that he needs Cas closer and he needs it now. 

Cas huffs against his lips and gentles the kiss, his hands wandering to Dean’s back, stroking soothingly up and down, calming some of the fire in Dean’s veins. Dean follows Cas’s lead and softens his grip on Cas’s arms. “We have time”, Cas says gently as they break apart to breathe. 

Dean smiles, takes his hand again, and leads him to bed.

They are safe, they are home, and Cas isn’t leaving.

They have time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAN WINCHESTER
> 
> This is not the ending you got, but it is the ending you deserve. Also there will probably be a third chapter eventually, but I really wanted to update this fic for his birthday and it is 1am now so uhm yeah this is where I am stopping today.
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to everyone who commented on the first chapter. You are the reason why this chapter exists. <3
> 
> Comments and kudos are love


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cas proposes, Dean cooks and the boys are hella domestic and cute.

Getting onto the bed with Cas is a lot less sexy than Dean would have liked, but then he is on his back in the middle of the bed and Cas is crawling on top of him and he forgets to think at all. 

He grips his neck and pulls Cas down onto him. Cas is a surprisingly good kisser, considering his lack of experience. Or at least Dean hopes he hasn’t had any more experience after Meg and April. The angel kisses the same way he does everything he considers important; with a single-minded focus. Dean’s hands wander to Cas’s hips and he cannot believe the angel is still wearing the trench coat. And then another thought occurs to him; Miracle is still in the room. 

“Cas, Cas, stop.”

Cas flinches back like Dean burnt him, apology already on his lips. “No, no, I want to keep going, trust me, but uh”, he trails off and gestures to Miracle. “We cannot do this with Miracle here. I’m kinda his dad. That’s just wrong.”

Cas laughs as he rolls off of Dean. Dean leans over to give him a quick peck before he rushes out of bed. “I’m just gonna put Miracle into the kitchen, you can get naked, erm, comfortable, y’know, take off the coat maybe, okay.”

He calls Miracle to him, picks up the dog bed and stumbles out of the room.

.

He is quick to put Miracle and the dog bed into the kitchen, making sure the heater is on on his way out. Miracle thankfully obeys his command and just goes to sleep again.

Dean hurries back to his bedroom, making sure to lock the door behind himself. When he turns around to face the bed his breath catches. Cas did get naked while he was gone. He must have used his angel mojo because Dean practically sprinted to the kitchen and back. 

“Cas”, Dean breathes equal part amazed and scared as he approaches the bed. He so desperately wants to make this good for his angel, for the both of them. He knows what he wants, but he doesn’t know how to ask for it, years of shame and repression clawing at his throat. 

“Cas”, he tries again as he gets onto the bed, but is unable to come up with the right words. Defeated, he kneels next to the angel. “Read my mind”, he sighs.

“Dean, are you sure?”, Cas asks as he sits up, sounding breathless. Dean can only nod, ashamed and a little afraid to look Cas into the eyes. “I cannot ask for it. Please”, he hates how close he is to begging, but he pushes the shame down. It’s just Cas. Cas has seen him at his worst, Cas would never judge him, not for this.

Dean knows that Cas doesn’t have to touch him to read his mind, but he appreciates the gesture as Cas cradles his face gently. It only takes a second and then Dean can hear his breath catch. Nervously, he lifts his eyes to Cas’s face and sees the angel staring back at him with wonder in his eyes. 

“Okay?”, he asks, now breathless for entirely different reasons because he is quite certain what the answer will be. He has never seen Cas stare at him with such hunger in his eyes before. “Yes, Dean. Okay.”

With a snap of his fingers Cas undresses him and then Dean finds himself on his back, at the mercy of the angel that is crawling over him. And there really is no place that he would rather be. He knows instinctually that Cas will take care of him.

.

He wakes up the next morning, pleasantly aching in all the right places, to find Cas staring at him. Dean cannot even be bothered to pretend that he doesn’t like having his full attention and devotion. He smiles sleepily at his boyfriend? Partner? Lover? What even are they? There doesn’t seem to be a term that fits them, but they can have that conversation later. 

Cas smiles back at him and then reaches towards the nightstand where a steaming mug is waiting. He hands it to Dean, who eagerly sits up to start drinking his coffee. “Coffee in bed? I love you!”

Cas chuckles quietly. “I know”, he says, entirely too pleased with himself and damn-

Smug is a good look on him.

Cas lets Dean drink his coffee in peace, a steady and quiet presence at his side. As Dean sets down the mug on his bedside table, he casually says: “I’ve been thinking.” Dean tries not to let the panic that is settling into his stomach show.  
“Yeah? What about?”, he asks, watching closely as Cas fidgets and avoids eye-contact. 

Dean’s heart starts beating faster. Did he do something wrong last night? He had thought that Cas had enjoyed himself immensely, but now he was not so sure anymore. It had been the best night of maybe his entire life, but what if Cas hadn’t like it? What if-

“Hey”, Cas’s gentle voice breaks through the pounding in his ears. “Whatever you are thinking, stop. It is nothing bad. At least I hope that you will not think that it is.” 

Dean swallows. “Okay, Cas. Let’s hear it.”

Cas smiles. “Yesterday you asked me to stay with you and I want that more than anything.” Dean braces himself for the “but” that must surely follow. 

“I have been thinking a lot about how I fit into this world, into your world, now that Jack is God and you have retired, and the world is as safe as it will ever be. And I think, no, I know that I-“ Cas fidgets, his eyes flickering to Dean briefly, and then away again. On instinct, Dean reaches out and takes his hand. 

Cas takes a deep breath and then his eyes find Dean’s again. “I want to become human. I want to stay with you, and love you, and grow old with you. I want to find a job, buy a house together, and maybe also adopt a cat that is dog-friendly.”

Dean can only stare at Cas, completely and utterly speechless, but the angel is not finished yet. “I want to marry you. In front of all of our friends and family. I want to claim you and be claimed by you.” Cas’s voice gets even softer. “I want to adopt children with you.”

Dean doesn’t even realize that he is crying until Cas tenderly wipes his tears away.  
“Is that something you would want?”, Cas asks. 

“Cas, it’s everything! You are everything!”

Cas’s smile could rival the sun. “Is that a yes?”, he teases.

“Yes!”, Dean shouts and launches himself at the soon-to-be-ex-angel. 

The celebration that follows not only causes all of the lightbulbs in the bunker to explode but also short-circuits the bunker’s generator.

.

Much later, as they are lying in bed together, naked and sated once again, Dean in his Cas’s arms but refusing to call it cuddling, Dean says: “I don’t know if I will make a good husband. I’ve done a lot of shit.” 

Cas’s arms around him tighten. “So have I. I have caused a lot of grief on earth and in heaven.”

Dean huffs. “I’m not talking about all of the shit I have fucked up on earth, Cas. I’m talking about all of the shit I have done to you. I have treated you pretty crappy in the and never really apologized for that.” He pries himself out of Cas’s arms to sit up and face the angel fully. “Cas, I am sorry. I am sorry for kicking you out when you were human and I am sorry for putting all of the blame on you and I am sorry for the entire mess with Amara and the mark of Cain. There is probably so much that I am forgetting, but I am sorry for all of it.”

“Dean, I have caused you a lot of pain, too. I betrayed you and your brother. I almost killed you twice. I-“

“And I have forgiven you for all of that”, Dean interrupts him. 

“As I have forgiven you.” Cas says, putting his arms back around Dean and pulling until he lays down on his chest again. 

“My point is I am not exactly the most stable human being, I know that. I have anger issues and I drink too much, not to mention the decades of repressed trauma”, Dean trails off.

Cas stays quiet for just long enough that Dean starts to wonder what the angel is thinking. “I know you, Dean Winchester. I know all of your flaws.”

“Gee, thanks Cas!”

Cas huffs. “I know you and I love you anyway. Not despite your flaws but because of them. Do you not remember what I said to you?”

Cas doesn’t have to clarify that he means what he said before the Empty took him. Dean knows.

He laughs humourlessly. “How could I ever forget?”

Cas presses a kiss to his forehead. “Don’t ever doubt how much I love you.”

.

They doze for a little while longer, content in each other’s arms, until Dean’s stomach becomes hard to ignore and Miracle whines at the bedroom door. The feed Miracle and Cas watches while Dean cooks breakfast; pancakes and bacon and eggs. Probably way too much for just one person, but when Dean is happy he cooks, and right now he is ecstatic. Because Cas wants to marry him. It is everything Dean has never let himself dare to hope for.

“I cannot wait until I can properly taste food again. I miss your cooking”, Cas confesses and Dean blushes. He cannot wait to cook for Cas either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is going to be one more chapter! Leave your suggestions of what else you want to read down below and I might pick some of them :) 
> 
> I hope this comes close to the cooking together suggestion that I have received. There might be more domestic scenes when Cas becomes human.
> 
> Also Jack and Claire will meet at the wedding, I haven't forgotten about them ;)
> 
> Comments and kudos are love and nourish my soul <3
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Not gonna lie, this fic is hella self-indulgent

**Author's Note:**

> I cried writing this. Fuck the CW
> 
> I never thought I would be writing destiel in 2020, but here we are.
> 
> Inspired by "Y yo a ti, Cas" and [ this post ](https://merryweatherwho.tumblr.com/post/635775933904814080/)  
> Title from Defenceless by Louis Tomlinson
> 
> Kudos and comments are highly appreciated. Thank you for reading!!  
> [ my tumblr ](http://sterekruinedme.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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